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I watched my boys play last night. Dressed up in my husband’s field, camo hats, “fake” dogtags, camo shirts and camo pants, they ran around the house “shooting” guns at each other.

Some moms would be absolutely and insanely freaking out. Boys playing with guns?! In this world?! Absolutely. N-O-T.

But not me. Nope! I just watched them run and play, yelling military orders at each other. I knew they were having fun, but more importantly, I knew they needed it.

A few weeks ago, my family learned my husband was deploying to Afghanistan. To my four year old, this means daddy has to work for the army for a long time and he won’t be there when I start kinder. To my 9 year old, this means, I’ve lost the only man in my life I can look up to.

Playing war is the only way my boys know how to process this change in their life. Their rooms are lined with Dollar Store army men. My 9 year old is checking out library book after library book about war after war. They’re just trying to figure it out.

In their brains, minus or with minimal abstract thinking skills, my boys have to live, breathe and absorb all they can about war to make it a reality. I think we forget this. We forget the needs of a child to play to learn–to put into action any new knowledge–or to process change–or to process trauma.

Years ago, My daughter and son who are two years apart road the bus to school everyday. Their bus driver was extremely crazy strict. I actually had to meet with the director of transportation on occasion to protect my children, and the children of the neighborhood. She tended to yell ALLL THE TIME quite frequently.

One fine day, my two precious children are playing in their little brother’s pack n play. All I hear is my Cody screaming at the top of his lungs “Turn around, sit down, and shut your mouth!” I had no idea what was going on so I run in the living room prepared to see my daughter crying. Instead she was hunched over in the crib giggling uncontrollably.

“What in the world is going on?!” I ask

“Oh mom, calm down! We’re just playing BUS DRIVER!”

This bus driver was their first exposure to someone who was less than nice to them. By playing their bus driver, they processed how to act and react to her. They were learning!
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In 1980, Chowchilla, California, 26 children were kidnapped off a school bus and driven to a remote location. They were removed from their bus into a small van where they were buried alive inside the vehicle. Praise God they were found and all survived. But here are some of the games they played, even 4 to 5 years after the incident:

Bus Driver (probably more explicit than what my children played)
Kidnap Tag
Tie a Person to a Tree and Leave Them There.

Any change, event, trauma, or life situation that your child can’t comprehend will most likely be played out.
Violent video games, movies and music videos are not excluded. If you see a child acting out a “strange” or “unlikely” behavior, be willing to explore why they are playing what they are playing.

You may be surprised at the fears your children hold…but you won’t know unless you ask!